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Self-Evaluation: Reflections on MTC Experience
In thinking of all the ways that I have changed since arriving in Mississippi, I feel that the most profound change is realizing how hard you have to fight to stick to your beliefs and convictions. Working in two schools that treat students with such horrible disrespect was hard to bear witness to and it was even harder to offer those students a voice without losing my job or angering another teacher. I have seen some despicable actions towards students, and I have had to practically swallow my tongue and figure out a creative way to address the disrespect another way. Although I do not have a perfect classroom, I think that my students feel respected and valued. This was more important to me than having a perfectly quiet classroom. My students show their excitement when we are playing a game or they are trying to figure out an academic challenge. Most teachers who do not understand my style look at my class as if my students and I are not accomplishing anything. However, I do not stoop to yelling and bullying students into behaving. I have had to constantly tell myself that despite what other teachers will say about my students that I am not going to give up on my students. I believe they are the smartest students in America, and I know that they do not hear that enough. I have realized throughout this experience that in order to be successful, you have to measure success for yourself. You cannot listen to how others measure their success, and you have to provide the definitions and examples of success for yourself.
Another area that I have grown in professionally deals with decision making. I have never been one to make quick decisions, but as a teacher I was forced to make fast and professional decisions everyday. Even for academic assignments, I would sit in front of the computer screen trying to decide what topic would be the best. It was not so much an issue of time management, but of delaying decisions until I had thought of the “perfect” idea. I would start projects and lesson plans early, yet I would not finish them early because of the emphasis I put on coming up with the very best idea possible. As a teacher, I often would have a long time delay coming up with lesson plan ideas and unit plans. I think I have improved in this area as well. I have been able to make countless decisions (hopefully good ones!) without my usual painfully and agonizingly long time frame. Especially after my first year, I stopped altogether with my bad habit of long decision-making. Before each quarter ended—I had a syllabus planned out for the next term. Sometimes, I think of better units and lesson plans later, but now, I am able to let those ideas go for the next year or next semester and not feel badly. After all, being organized and on time is far better than always having the “best” idea. This was a very crucial step for me and I am slowly letting this attitude into other parts of my life. I will take this lesson with me wherever I go next. I know that there will always be time to make use of ideas later, and they will probably be even better if they are well-planned. In teaching there is always next year, next week, and the next day to become a more effective teacher.
The last area of professional growth I want to discuss involves separating my school-work life with my personal life. Any new teacher will tell you how dramatically their lives change after starting teaching. The same was true for me, and for the first eight months of school, I had absolutely no life outside of school. I would even dream of school in my sleep. I am surprised that I didn’t quit, but somewhere inside of me I wanted to be successful. In my second year, I have gotten better at dealing with the demanding nature of teaching while trying to balance my personal life. I have learned how to say “no” to people. Before the Teacher Corps I was so eager to help that I would often help others before finishing my own work. For example, during my planning period numerous teachers would ask me to watch their classes or make copies for them. I enjoy helping people, however I began to notice that when I used my planning period for myself I could actually achieve somewhat of a balance between my personal life (time with my husband for instance) and my work-life. Other teachers would often tell me to be tougher with teachers who asked for an unreasonable tasks as well as administrators who would ask for last minute volunteers to scan district tests or sell candy at the basketball game. I have not lost my compassion and eagerness to aid others, instead I have gained a triage mentality. I am able to say “no” to unreasonable demands and offer help when it is truly needed. This was a very hard lesson for me. It is something that I have always struggled with and now I feel confident about setting boundaries with other co-workers.
It is very difficult to write of all the ways in which I have changed since entering the Mississippi Teacher Corps. Despite all of the disappointments I have experienced, I know that I made the right decision to come to Mississippi. I know that I have made a difference in both schools I have had taught in and that I am walking away with far more than I ever imagined. I have so many memories of little moments in the classroom that all the suffering and all the failures seem to melt away. As I stated in the beginning of this evaluation, I measure my own success. My students are amazing people. I love them even when they at their worst and I adore them when they at their best. I am proud that they call me their teacher. They forced me to grow and become an effective teacher. They defined my success and I will not let their lessons become forgotten memories.
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